i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
40s are totally the cure
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
