Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So much rum. So many feels.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
