im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
