My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
