Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
