I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sober January is a disaster.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
