And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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