remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
