Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
