Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
