No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
