My hair reeks of homosexuality.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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