apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
