Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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