you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
COCAINE IS GR8
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
