matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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