It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
