i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
