Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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