i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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