No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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