You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
