Is it because I queefed?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
