just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
