so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
