doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
