I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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