i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They have beer where we have blood.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
