Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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