Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't turn off my feet"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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