needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
