If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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