I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
