you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
