Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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