she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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