my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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