Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
