Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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