I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
