Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
