So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
