you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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