i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
