Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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