hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Welp...herpes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
