Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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