i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
