so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
