this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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