Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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