I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is my gift to your gina
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
