i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
