evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
